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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

How to Detect Lies.. Become a Lie Detector

Introduction to Detecting Lies:

The following techniques and observations to tell if someone is lying are often used by police, and security experts. This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.

Warning: Sometimes Ignorance is bliss; After gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you.



Signs of Deception:
Body Language of Lies:


• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body, the liar takes up less space.

• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.

• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.

Emotional Gestures & Contradictions

• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer than it would naturally, then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions, gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smiles after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions


• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than usual, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone, When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other
words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

Other signs of a lie:

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to go back to the previous subject.

• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

Final Notes:

Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.

Life's Little Instruction Book

Have a firm handshake.

Look people in the eye.

Sing in the shower.

Own a great stereo system.

If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.

Keep secrets.

Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.

Always accept an outstretched hand.

Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the
difference.

Whistle.

Avoid sarcastic remarks.

Choose your life's mate carefully. >From this one decision will come 90
per cent of all your happiness or misery.

Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.

Lend only those books you never care to see again.

Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.

When playing games with ! children, let them win.

Give people a second chance, but not a third.

Be romantic.

Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as
important as it first seems.

Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for
your convenience, not the caller's.

Be a good loser.

Be a good winner.

Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.

When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.

Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.

Keep it simple.

Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.

Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to
cross the same river.

Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets

Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the
things you didn't do more than the one's you did.

Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to
acknowledge those who helped you.

Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.

Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only
stay a few minutes.

Begin each day with some of your favorite music.

Once in a while, take the scenic route.

Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're
terrific.'

Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.

Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas
sometimes strike at 3 a.m.

Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how
trivial their job.

Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.

Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind
you.

Become someone's hero.

Marry only for love.

Count your blessings.

Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.

Wave at the children on a school bus.

Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your
ability to deal with people.

Don't expect life to be fair.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Clash or Coordinate? Understanding Personality Styles

Do you ever wonder why you react the way you do? Or why you hit it off with one person and not another? This lesson is about personality styles and one system for categorizing them. You will understand the characteristics of the four styles in the Matrix System as well as what builds up and what tears down the esteem of each style.

What are personality styles?

Philosophers and psychologists have studied human behavior for centuries. We seem to have a natural interest in understanding why people behave differently from each other. This study of individual differences (and similarities) in behavior is the study of personality. Personality is defined by Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary as “the totality of an individual’s behavioral and emotional characteristics.”

Personality styles are the categories developed by students of human behavior in order to break down the complexity of human behavior. Personality styles can refer to scientifically developed assessments of personality such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or to funny tests in magazines or on the World Wide Web (see www.Emode.com for examples). These tests have value in that they help us understand our own patterns of behavior and those of others. Increasing our understanding of others’ patterns of behavior helps us to be less judgmental of patterns that differ from our own. Knowing our own natural preferences can help us to make more rewarding choices in careers and relationships.

“Real Colors” or the Matrixx System

The Matrixx, or “Real Colors,” System is an easily remembered system for categorizing personality styles. While it is based on the theories of Carl Jung, it is simpler to administer and the results are easier to remember than other assessments based on Jung’s work, such as the MBTI.

Real Colors separates personality traits into four categories: Blue, Gold, Green, and Orange. Each of us has at least some of each color in our personality but in a different order. Most of us have a primary, or dominant, color. All of these colors have positive and negative aspects. Any color taken to an extreme or any personality expressing just one color without being balanced by the others is problematic.

Assessments of personality style are best done by a trained facilitator who can help you understand the results and lead your group through exercises to foster understanding of different styles. By reading and discussing these descriptions of the colors, you will be able to recognize yourself as well as your friends and family members.

Blue

Blues are feelings-oriented. They value people and harmony among people. Blues need relationships that are authentic and opportunities to nurture others. Strengths for Blues include empathy, acceptance, and the ability to “read” others’ feelings accurately. Blues find joy in helping others, romance, and harmony.

Gold

Golds are accomplishment-oriented. They value dependability and hard work. Golds need stability and order. Strengths for Golds are organizational skills, detailed planning, and follow-through. Golds find joy in traditional values, security, and order.

Green

Greens are idea-oriented. They value rational thought and curiosity. Greens need independence and intellectual challenges. Strengths for Greens include problem solving, analyzing information, and objectivity. Greens find joy in discovery and understanding things.

Orange

Oranges are action-oriented. They need to be active and to be at the center of attention, at least some of the time. Oranges value taking risks and competition. Strengths for Oranges include energy and persuasiveness. Oranges find joy in trying new activities and competing.

Adjusting your colors


Recognize anyone in these descriptions? For some people, the primary color really stands out from therest. Others display a blend of the colors and may have a hard time identifying one primary color.

At different times in our lives and to meet the responsibilities of different roles, we need to be able to adjust our colors. With practice, you can learn to visualize each color as having a slide control and a display like a stereo tuner. Your natural “settings” will be the most comfortable for you. If Blue is your primary color and you are facing a deadline, you will need to tap into your Gold and “turn it up.”
Clash or coordinate? Similarities and differences can be drawn between all of the colors. The next time you find yourself irritated by someone else’s action, consider the colors involved. Understanding what another person values may help to unruffle the feathers.

Breaking down

When you’re feeling good about yourself, it’s easy to adjust your “color tuner.” But, when you’re feeling down, you may retreat to your most comfortable settings. Some negative events will make any of the colors feel down, such as the loss of a loved one, a personal health crisis, or serious financial trouble. Lesser events can affect the colors differently, though, and when they’re down, the colors react differently and need different things to recover. Blues can take the troubles of others to heart, so much so that the pain of friends and family members is their own. Golds can become frustrated when others do not show the same level of organization or attention to detail that they do. Greens are hurt when their competence is questioned. Oranges will react negatively when confronted with rigid structures or lack of activity.

Building up

Do you know what you need to feel better after a bad day or when you’re down? How we recover differs by color, also. These differences can be misunderstood, especially following the loss of a loved one.

Basically, we recover by reverting to our primary color and the associated comfort zone of activities. Blues will need people–to listen to them as they listen to others, without solving or judging. Golds often need to restore order or accomplish something–big or small. Greens will need to turn inward and spend time alone sorting out their feelings. Oranges will need to be active, preferably with others. With your greater understanding of personality styles, you can help to build others up and allow them to recover in the way that best suits them.

10 ways to explain things more effectively

In the course of your work, you may sometimes need to explain technical concepts to your customers. Having them understand you is important not only for technical reasons, but also to ensure customer satisfaction. The ability to explain things clearly and effectively can help you in your career, as well. Here are a few tips to help make your explanations understandable and useful.


#1: Keep in mind others’ point of view

You’ve probably seen the famous illusion that looks like either a young woman or an old woman. Two people can look at that same picture, and they can have opposite views of what they’re seeing. Keep this idea in mind when explaining a concept. Something that might be perfectly understandable to you might be incomprehensible to someone else. Don’t be the person customers complain about as using “geek speak.”


#2: Listen and respond to questions

It’s easy to become annoyed when someone is asking questions. However, try to resist that reaction. A better attitude is to be happy that the other person is interested enough to ask questions. To minimize confusion and misunderstanding, try to paraphrase or summarize a question before you answer it. This step is particularly important if you’re in a group setting, and you’ve just taken a question from someone in the audience. Repeating the question for the entire group helps everyone better understand your answer.


#3: Avoid talking over people’s head

When you explain things to people, do their eyes glaze over? Chances are it’s because you’re talking over their head. Symptoms of such behavior include the use of jargon and acronyms. Remember, the people you’re talking to probably lack your specialized knowledge, so you should use readily understandable terms.
The same goes for acronyms. They’re important, but if you use them, define them in “longhand,” followed by the acronyms in (parentheses), so that everyone’s clear. Doing so avoids the scenario of situation normal, all fouled up (SNAFU).
Even within IT, the same acronym can mean different things. For example, both “active server page” and “application service provider” have the acronym ASP. A story from the Vietnam War era further illustrates this point. A young woman brought her boyfriend home to meet her father, a retired military officer. The woman was nervous because the boyfriend was a conscientious objector. When the father asked the young man to talk about himself, the latter replied, nervously, that he was a CO. The father clapped the young man on the back and congratulated him, thinking the latter was a commanding officer.


#4: Avoid talking down to people

Avoid the other extreme as well. Don’t insult people by assuming that they’re only as intelligent as a three-year-old. An attendee at one of my communications training classes described it aptly as “Barney communications.”
Greek mythology has references to two monsters, Scylla and Charybdis, who sat on opposite sides of a narrow strait of water. If a ship sailed too close to Scylla, it was destroyed and the sailors eaten up. If the ship sailed too close to Charybdis, it was destroyed by a whirlpool that Charybdis created. The ship had to go right between them to survive. Follow that same principle with your customers: Make your explanations neither too complicated or too simple.


#5: Ask questions to determine people’s understanding

The people you’re talking to shouldn’t be the only ones asking questions. You should be asking questions as well, to make sure they understand. Your questions can be open ended, which gives people a chance to provide detailed information, or they can be closed ended, which generally calls for a simple yes/no response. In either case, asking questions tells people that you’re interested that they understand.


#6: Focus on benefits, not features

What’s the difference? A feature is some inherent property of an object. A benefit, on the other hand, is a way the feature helps a person. For example, one of the features of a Styrofoam cup, because of the material used, is insulation. Someone who’s planning a party probably doesn’t care how the cup provides insulation. That person is more interested in the fact that such a cup keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
In the same way, try to focus on benefits of technology rather than features of technology. This distinction becomes more important the higher the level of the person you’re talking to. The CFO probably has little need to know about the specific commands and steps involved in setting up database mirroring. That person will want to know, however, that such a practice reduces the chances of data loss.


#7: Use analogies to make concepts clearer

An analogy involves explaining an unfamiliar concept in terms of a familiar one. For example, in drawing an analogy between a firewall and a bank teller, you could say that people don’t just go directly into a bank and take money out. They go to the teller and identify themselves; the teller makes sure they have enough money; and then the teller gives them the money. Similarly, a firewall ensures that people who want access to a system really are permitted to have that access.
When choosing an example for an analogy, first figure out the general principle you’re trying to explain. Then, choose something from real life that illustrates that principle. Say, for example, that you’re trying to explain memory leaks. Suppose you conclude that the principle involved is that of taking without giving back completely. An example/analogy might be the consequences of pouring a cup of pancake batter into successive measuring cups, or the consequences of lending money to your brother-in-law.


#8: Compare new concepts to familiar ones

Another illustrative technique is to use a familiar or existing product as a comparison. If you’re explaining a new release of a software product, the comparison is easy. Simply discuss the additional capabilities it has over the previous one or how key features are different. If the person hearing your explanation is also an IT person and is familiar with different or older technology, try explaining in those terms if you can. For example, when explaining thin clients, consider a comparison to the old 3270-type terminals that IBM once used for connection to mainframes.


#9: Use the concepts of subsets and supersets

Brooklyn is a subset of New York City, because all of it is a part of that city. Conversely, New York City is a superset of Brooklyn, because the former contains, in addition to all of the latter, other boroughs as well. These concepts are helpful in describing, for example, a “lite” versus a “professional” version of a software product. If the latter does everything the former does, plus more, it truly is a superset of the former, and the former is a subset of the latter. Be careful, though: If the “lite” version does even one thing that’s missing from the professional version, there’s no longer a subset/superset relationship.


#10: Confirm that your explanation makes sense

Once you’ve finished explaining your point or answering a question, ask a final question yourself. Make sure the people who heard your explanation truly did understand it. Consider asking them to give you the explanation in their own words, just to double-check.